Myths and Legends

The tales contained herein are all true, save those which are not. Even the greatest falsehoods contain a nugget of truth.

The gods have no sway over elfkind, for they had no hand in their creation. As the elder races arose, nature mimicked their form to create her own guardians to stand against them. (Sole translatable line from the sixth scroll of the Pereneius Cache)

You know how you never see a female dwarf? That’s because dwarves don’t come in boy and girl like us right manfolk. They’re golems, every last one of ‘em – made by the gods to carve the world out of whatever it was made of back then. They’re damned good at it too, so good that they put themselves out of work by finishing ahead of schedule. That’s why they’re always mining, always diggin’ – to keep themselves busy now that the gods don’t need ‘em anymore. I kinda pity the bastards. (Old Man McGee)

Dodongo dislikes smoke. (Old children’s phrase)

Contrary to what my esteemed colleague has to say on the matter, the holy texts of the church of Tyr are in fact divinely inspired. Where I am forced to agree with my colleague however, is that that the text is still nonsense. Tyr doesn’t know what’s really going on anymore than we do. The gods are as fallible and ignorant as the rest of us, they’re just so mighty that people won’t call their bluff. (Arturo the Enlightened Agnostic, shortly before his execution for heresy. Iago the Embittered Atheist survived the trial, due to having a better lawyer and having smuggled a scroll of teleportation in a body crevice unmentioned by court records.)

Dwarven sex is beautiful, sensual, and most importantly, none of your damned business. (Torq Ironmember, in response to one Oren McGee)

Gilgad Dhour is an insufferable asshole, and is not to be trusted in any circumstance, whatsoever. (One-hundred and sixty-fifth scroll of the Pereneius cache, only one written in common. It is believed that the Pereneius Cache predates the common language by at least 3000 years.)

The people of Salamand worship the old gods, but they don’t know it. They’ve dressed them up and renamed them, but Satesh is just Dagon by another name. He doesn’t care what you call him, as long as you make the requisite human sacrifices.
(Mattar Tine, apocalyptic preacher)

Tyr may seem a benevolent heresy, but he is a heresy all the same. We may have forgotten the White Lords but they have not forgotten us. How could a mortal man know The Law better than the gods who created it? We have turned our backs to order, and now our empire lies in ruins.
(Justicar Karl Haddock, known as Karl the disgraced after his exile from Emperor Sophos’s court.)

And I see the golden city before me, bathed in the light of the sun. Here they need no horses. Here they need no guard. They only need law. Her spires reach into the heavens and her bowels reach into hell. The city sustains us as we sustain her. Even the works of the gods pale before what man has built. Truly, the time of gods is past and the time of man is upon us.
(Verses from undated collection of poems.)

Curse the name of Oppex. Curse the archmage. Curse he who brought this upon us. He would bend chaos to his will and make it subservient to order. But chaos cannot be controlled. And now we burn.
(Missive from the Journal of Alhandre, Devonian philosopher and politician.)

Hobbits, now they’re a curious lot. The humans may have inconsistent creation myths, but at least they have them. The halfling folk, it’s almost like they were there all along but we just never noticed them. (Yorgle Elfblood, Naturalist)

My heart is torn
In these caverns I toil
A thousand leagues from home
Forever laboring
Forever crafting
But when I emerge
Look up to the stars
Only then do I long for home
(Krafter Sham, dwarven poet)

You act like the world was born at the same time as your precious empire. How shortsighted you are. If you are a speck of dust on the winds of history, then Devonia is merely a grain of sand on the beach of eternity. (Fiendthrall Picketh)

The hidden dorn are not a myth. I travelled with one for a time. He made it a practice of hiding in plain sight. What did he do that was so offensive to dwarfkind? He never told me. (Daria Quarterfinder, halfling adventurer and storyteller)

What you are saying, is that the three worlds are mirrors of each other? The eldren of the Feyworld are the gnomes of our world? What then of the Shadowfell? Who are the eldren of the plains of despair? Were all three worlds crafted by the dwarves? Where then are the feydorn, the shadowdorn?
(Philosopher Grecia in debate with the Alienist Targoth)

A wizard did it. (Page 245 of the Excellent Manual on Magical Beasts regarding the origin of the Owlbear)

I don’t care what you say. That isn’t language, it’s gibberish. We call the spell “Comprehend Languages” for a reason. If it’s a language, it will decipher it. It’s been mathemagically proven. Why did they write down so much gibberish? Maybe it’s art. Maybe they just had really, really bad handwriting. Maybe it’s our ancestors playing an elaborate prank on us.
(Minos the Magician arguing with Kalos the Conjurer over the large untranslatable portions of the Pereneius Cache)

There’s one god above all others. He’s above Tyr. He’s above the white lords. He’s above the old gods. He’s even above law and order. He created everything, and he’s the reason the world is in the shape it is. He quite frankly, didn’t put much thought into it.
(Philosopher Ernst Margeau arguing for the widely discredited “Gygax” protogod theory)

Myths and Legends

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