Summary of last night’s adventure (until somebody writes it up in the blog): The players returned with bardic help and leveraged a battering ram and magic to exact their revenge against the helmed horror guarding some religious finery – which included a crown, scepter, suit of magic chain mail and a ring of warmth. Afterwards, they stumbled onto a goblin alchemist, who unleashed his horrible creation on the PCs – which promptly ate him. The party agreed to shut the door and walk away quietly to leave the ooze to digest its dinner in peace. After being ambushed by a particularly brave pack of goblins trying to keep them from raiding their nursery, the bard sweet-talked the goblins into an audience with their chief. After proper tribute and flattery (including the totally awesome crown and scepter), the goblin chief decided to let bygones be bygones, and shared what he knew of the previous residents of the under temple. The players agreed to defeat a horrible creature in a cavern to even out all the goblins they’ve killed, and the goblin will trade them his old coinage (the reason they came down here) for gold coins. After being led to a part of the temple goblins no longer approach, they dispatched two specters in what was taken to be a kinky sex room, but in fact turned out to be a ritual purification chamber. While poking around what looked to be a sacrifice chamber, a wounded black bear which had fallen into the dungeon limped upon the players. Despite having been placed into the adventure specifically for the ranger to befriend, they flubbed like six animal handling checks in a row and just pissed it off. In another remarkable show of cunning, they willingly uncovered the pit and woke up a gibbering mouther which put up a remarkably enduring battle despite being limited to babbling insanely – to be fair, the heroes joined in the insane babbling (against their will). From within it’s fleshy corpse, the bard retrieved a dagger +1 that would require a sanity check to wield in other game systems. While looting a pouch of coins from an adjoining torture chamber, the rogue was, unsurprisingly to all, attacked by a mimic which had disguised itself as a rack and started to try and tear him to pieces. Despite having the rogue completely ensnared within it’s rack-y form, it did zero damage to him and the DM made a note to purchase new dice shortly after it met its demise. They finally gathered the bravery to enter the dank natural cavern that housed the beast, and in a plan that clearly involved a minimum of thought, initiated the battle by sending the barbarian alone into a dank pool of water. A hideous Cthulhu-lobster emerged and chomped, clamped, poisoned, and strangled the poor half-orc until he fell to near death, and it then scurried with unearthly speed and literally ripped the bard in half. The Thing That Should Not Be™ snatched up the sacrificial dagger in its mouth and pulled it and the half-orc’s corpse back into the water with it as the party decided to retreat the 50 miles back to the keep and gather reinforcements and possibly bug spray.